Friday, November 8, 2013

Well this is embarassing...

It has been so long the blogger website change its format and totally confused me. I will not admit to the amount of time I spent trying to figure out how to write a post.

Lately I have had the two faithful readers ask where the blog went. Well honestly all the stories I could think to tell were about my students. Not so professional. And kids these days know how to snoop so well they would find me in a minute and law suit after law suit I'd be out of a job. I just can't handle that. I may get paid pennies but those pennies help pay off the medical bills from my pill swallowing escapade that landed me in the ER.

Wait what? yes. On the fateful afternoon of August 3rd, a Saturday, I decided that I should get serious with my vitamin taking. If I was going to hopefully sometime in the near future (apparently very near future) going to be producing a healthy baby, I better buckle down and follow the doctor's orders of taking pre-natal vitamins. I had a bottle that I carted around with me (seriously for a month building up confidence) of vitamins that should have been labeled "horse pills" cause that is exactly what they were. Like an inch long and half an inch wide. I decided on August 3rd at 4:00 that I would finally choke (hahah foreshadow) one down. We were headed to the end of summer youth party and were about to leave the house. So I got a glass of water and pulled out a pill. The size once again astounded me. @#$%#&^&#$%^#$%^ how am I going to get this down?

Deviation: I have always had trouble swallowing pills. I took liquid or chewable medicines until I was probably 17 years old. It just has never ever been a skill of mine. Back to August 3rd at 4:00.

So I decide to cut the pill in half. The first half went down with a little fight but in the end I won and it went down my esophagus to be dissolved in my stomach. Ok, I can do this one more time! In goes the second half. However, some where between my lips and my esophagus it ended up directing itself into the wrong tube. I immediately begin to choke. My first thought was, "I just conquered my fear of flying half way around the world... alone.... to London.... and I'm going to die choking on a pre-natal vitamin!" My second thought was, "I need to call my dad." My third thought, after thinking about the conversation I would have to have with my HUSBAND about why for the second millionth time I've called my dad for help instead of him in an emergency or not so emergency, I thought, "Oh my, I need to go to the bathroom where Will is in case I keel over." So that's what I did. I briskly walked into the bathroom and there begin to wheeze. Seriously something is in my wind pipe!! I'm crying, coughing, wheezing, screaming, crying, wheezing, and some more screaming. Will jumps out of the shower to try to calm me down. HA ain't happening.

So Will coaches me through my wheezing. "Calm down" "It probably just scratched your throat." "Breathe" ME: I CAN'T!!! "Drink some warm water." The wheezing subsides and then the coughing starts. Then it HURTS! I make it through the party drinking water and coughing. I some what slept that night but coughed up pieces of the vitamin all night.

Let's just stop for a moment and think about what that tasted like.

And it is Sunday morning. I slowly get up, shower, get ready for church and make my way there. I sit at the back and cough my lungs up through all of service. It hurts so bad. Like no other pain I have ever felt before. I would say right on up there when I dislocated and broke my elbow doing a double back off the beam... layout on the floor... cartwheel in high school. Every time I coughed or breathed a shooting pain went up my center core. Soooo lets fast forward to 5:00 that evening after crying all day from pain and lack of oxygen. Will was taking a nap so I took the opportunity to call my dad. I told him of my symptoms of light headiness, pain, can't breathe, heart pounding. He replies the dreaded, "Well you may want to go to the ER." And the response of a poor person, "Can I just go to care now? The deductible is lower." HA. So I wake Will up and tell him in his half sleep that I am going to Care Now.

If you EVER want to be immediately seen at Care Now, "I can't breathe." are the key words to say. Immediately there were nurses surrounding me taking my oxygen which was a whopping 83, Thank you! "TRIAGE" is yelled in the hustle and bustle. Uh no. I watch ER and Grey's I know what Triage is and it is not good when yelled not at a hospital. I am ushered to the other side of Care Now that is a very small hospital type set up next to a small child getting stitches. Over a course of breathing treatments, xray and a steroid shot in the bum that made me almost pass out twice the PA came in and delivered this a young a her self..."We don't really know what is going on with your lungs. There is spot on your xray and we are not sure what it is. So we are going to need to send you to the ER and because your oxygen levels are so low it has to be by ambulance." AND THEN WALKS OUT! The bottom falls out and the tears start flowing. My anxious mind starts imagining the worst. I immediately begin to catastrophisizing (how do you even spell that?) my future. I know the ambulance thing is a lie so I once again call my dad. He says no they are just saying that and that they will meet me at the ER in Irving. I call Will. No answer. I text him. No reply. I call him again and say tell him the news. After this freak out and my dad handing the phone to my mom who calms me down the real Dr comes in to better explain the situation. The pill is stuck in my lung. Will comes to pick me up and we make it to Irving in like 12 minutes and check in to the ER.

So here we are, in the ER. Stu the nurse who is probably my age asks whats wrong. I tell him. He laughs. This is the beginning of what will be a pattern for the remainder of the night. I have become the joke of the ER. Happy Sunday night Irving ER. Glad I could bring some entertainment. We giggle about how he has seen children....CHILDREN under the age of 6 normally come in with cheerios, coins, toys, even a guy with a hot dog stuck in his THROAT...not Wind pipe. But never someone aspirating a pill into their lungs at such an advanced age.

We giggle.

Well tonight's your lucky night buddy. Glad I could be of service.

The ER doctor and her scribe come in.
"What's going on."
"Well I swallowed a pill and it is in my lung."
Dr. trying to hold back the laughter "uh you did what?"
"Yeah I swallowed a pill and it is in my lung."
laughter is no longer held

We giggle.

I am wheeled to get a CT. The CT tech...
"What's going on."
"Well I swallowed a pill and it is in my lung."
Tech trying to hold back the laughter "uh you did what?"
"Yeah I swallowed a pill and it is in my lung."
laughter is no longer held
"Well its lucky you are here then."

We giggle.

The CT comes back and the Dr asks if we want to see it. Uh yes! So my dad, Will and I all go down to the nurses station and view the CT. All the other nurses and doctors are laughing.

"Am I the joke of the ER? I know you people of have codes for these things. Am I a code?"

We giggle.

The CT was pretty cool....and the pill was definitely in my lung. Just resting at the bottom. Hanging out. Hurting so bad!

So by this time, Will and my parents are in the room hanging out and the procedure nurse comes in. My mom and dad say that they will leave for a little bit and let them do what they need to do. The nurse stops my mom and says, "Hang on. I may need you to stay for a little bit to sign some papers." My mom looks at her and straight faced says, "I think she can sign her own papers, she is 26." I pipe in, "I know I'm in here for what is normally a pediatric procedure for three year olds and pennies but I am of legal age. This is my husband."

We giggle.

Lots of other comments were said through out the course of the evening that would have been classic lines in a comedic movie about unfortunate events. But nothing will compare to what happened after the procedure.

While I was off in neverland dream town getting a pill removed from my lung by the claw the Dr was asking Will if anything like this had ever happened before and how this thing happened. Was she bumped into, did she laugh while swallowing. Nope Doc, just swallowing. Swallowing like she has done every day of her life.

After I woke up and the pain was gone and I could finally breathe without wanting to punch some one the lung dr came in to give us the run down. This is the conversation.

Dr: "We got the pill. You have a little bit of scar tissue from the iron in the pill but nothing bad. That was a huge pill. How'd you get that in there? I'm sending you home with a steriod to help with inflammation and an antibiotic..."

Me: "Uh you do realize what just happened here? Could I get that in liquid form."

Dr: laughing "Oh yeah, haha I can get that in a liquid for you. Ok well we will give you another breathing treatment and antibiotic and you will be on your way."

It's not everyday he gets to write a prescription for a liquid form of antibiotic to a 26 year old. I will say, just for the record, there is nothing more humbling than taking your antibiotic OUT OF A SYRINGE like a toddler in front of your high school musical cast. Nothing more humbling. Except telling them you landed in the ER by swallowing a pill....which I did not tell them.

So we wrapped up the evening and were sent on our way but not before the nurse, Stu and I have a little chat.

Me: "I seriously am going to be the dinner table talk for all of these drs aren't I. I have friends that are nurses and dr.s. I know what you people tell your friends."

Stu: "Yeah, you might want to keep this one to yourself."

And that was the night I became the dinner talk of the Irving Baylor ER doctor and nurses.

The next week I went back to the lung dr for a check up and his quote of the visit was, " I'm not so worried about your lungs as I am the fact that you can't swallow a pill." Me to my friend, Me too.

Never a dull moment with the two of us.

That being said...all of that led up to this blessing which is a whole other adventure for another time and place...

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