Beautiful Nail

...just one.

I went to Gorgeous Nails yesterday to get my nails done. Every time I go I am reminded of Anjelah Johnson and her experience. Youtube it. My experience yesterday was nothing less than expected.

There are no cliff notes version of this trip. Hang with me. I will begin.

Tuesdays are my day off. I work from 8-9:30 and have the rest of the day to clean my house and myself. Yesterday Will was out of town so I had the whole day to myself. I called him on my way home and he said, "Why don't you do something relaxing and fun today."

"Like what? What can I do that does not cost money." You see, after taxes we are below poverty line at the moment.

"I don't know but go have fun."

I contemplated this on my drive home. What should I do? Shower? possibly. Paint? hmmm. Eat? duh. Chelsea Lately? good idea. I got home and cleaned my kitchen. As a side note...I'm pretty sure that is all I did yesterday. I will give more deets next post. I rewashed my clothes that had been sitting in the washer for approx two days. I decided I would go work out and then shower. WAAA? Yes. I said it. I had apparently been researching how it felt to be a pilgrim in Virginia when baths were not a very frequent option. I won't say details for fear of embarrassment. Let's just say I was starting to disgust myself. I looked like I was back in college during Interior Design finals week. And I was off. I enjoyed an ok work out and thought...wouldn't it be nice to go get my nails done? Thus began the inner battle. Should I? Am I ready for that commitment? Can I afford it? Yes you can afford it dumb dumb. You have a job! But is it what I should be spending my money on? Are they still in fashion? Are they out of fashion? Do only high schoolers and prom dates have them? Should I google it?

So I drove to Irving had a delicious Chipotle lunch with my dad and watched Hanson on Dancing with the Stars. I miss them. And yes, they sang MMMBop. All while STILL contemplating a solar set of nails. I am going to do it. I am going to bite the bullet and just do it. So I did and this is how my visit went.

"Hi welcome to Gorgeous Nails. How may I help you?"
"Can I get a solar set?"
"Yes. We have. That be 35 dolla. You want now?"
"Uh, Yes now would be great."
"Ok, sit down."

I did. A new lady did my nails. I did not recognize her nor knew her name. Lets call her Tess. I think that is a good name for this lady.

"You ever have solar set?"
"Yes."
pause
"You no work today?"
"No. I'm off on Tuesdays. Its nice."
pause
"You keep long or short?"
"As short as you can."

This was a tough one for her to grasp. She did NOT want to make them as short as I wanted. After our chat I sunk into the "getting your nails did" trance and focused on the daytime game shows that were on the TV. After Lets Make A Deal was over Dr. Phil came on. It caught my eye. The preview had this lady spending money, receipts, credit cards, etc. What is this?

Financial Infidelity.  Yep. Here I have been contemplating alllll morning about whether or not it was an ok financial decision to spend money to get my nails done when there was no other reason besides just me wanting to and Dr. Phil is discussing financial infidelity. Ok. got it. Thanks. Apparently I was  listening so hard and concentrating on the guilt trip Phil was sending me on that Tess thought I was falling asleep.

"Almost done."
"huh?"
"You look like you are falling asleep. We are almost done."
"Oh no, just concentrating on Dr. Phil."

I looked at my nails.

"Too long?"
"Yeah, if I could get them a little shorter."
"ooook." As if I was asking her to paint a hideous design on them. "This ok?"
"A little shorter. I like them short."
"ooook." pause "Do you tape a lot?"
"What?"
"Do you tapp alot?"
"Oh Type. Yes I type. I'm also a teacher so I use my hands alot."
"Oh yes. A teacher, so you definitely need them short." uh ya.   At this point I'm contemplating this statement. Is there a difference between hooker nails and teacher nails. And if so, what is it. What constitutes teacher nails? Is it a nail I can match with my appliqued denim disney jumper and matching character socks? And in what profession should you have long nails? Did I look like I had a profession that excused excessively long fake nails?
"What do you teach?"
"High school?"
"WHAAA? But you look so young!!"
Oh no. Here it comes.
"Oh wow!! You so young. You look so baby face!"
"Yeah, I know. I get that alot."
Pause
"Do high school boys fall in love with you?!"
uh come again? At this time Tess is laughing as well as Lisa on the other side and the girl who is getting a manicure next to me. Awesome.
"uh I hope not!"
She then tells me that in her high school when she was growing up she had a very attractive male teacher that all the girls swooned over. Tess actually imitated high school girls swooning. It was fun. But it was a time of war in her country so he had to become a soldier.  So all the girls cry.

There was a lull in the conversation and I went back to watching Dr. Phil. After I was all done, I washed my hands and came back to get my purse.

"Any thing else? Eyebrow?" I guess she had seen my eyebrows. I accepted. My eyebrows had gone past the fashionable Brook Shields eyebrow and on to an indescribable mess on my forehead. She got one close look and said, "Woooa."

"yeah I know. It has been a while. I don't even remember the last time." I think it may have been in October.

"Oh don't worry. We make you look good at the end of it!" Thanks Tess! And that is exactly how I felt when I left. Only, I still hadn't showered. I have very small eyebrow not but they ARE TRIMMED! I'm pretty sure I was back there in the waxing chair chatting with Tess for 10-15 minutes.  We had a good chat and got to know each other. She even sang up a made up song. I will see you again in 2-3 weeks for a refill on my nails girlfriend!

With a spoon full of Sugar

Carrie Bradshaw used to live in this house. 

And then Ted Nugent moved in. 

Marriage is about compromise. Yes. Compromise. Whoever made that up did not have a stuffed deer staring at the back of their head while they worked on the computer. 

Ignore the lack of make up. This was after a long day of watching the 16 and Pregnant marathon on MTV. And ignore the embarrassment of trash on the ground. Um, just don't look too closely. Its Easter, which means LTC, which means our house is messy with drama/puppet/everything props.  

My friend Christin and her boy Tony came to visit on Sunday. I have been warning Christin of this happening over texts and pictures that this was transpiring in my lovely office room. *Christin, she's the one that gave Will the family frame for his birthday with our "family" picture in it. So mi casa es su casa. Will was not here for her to tell her opinion to, so she put it in writing. He didn't appreciate it. 

But don't worry. Mary Poppins now lives here and fixed it right up. 

Ok, so as I write this I'm getting a guilt trip because I sound like a nagging wife. Well? But really in all reality I guess its either the deer or a baby. "I'll take the deer for 300 Alex!" But in real real honesty, you got to love the guy. We all dreamed in high school of our ideal man. Mine was always the big, beer drinking, gun toting, deer shooting, fish catching, truck driving, boots and jeans kind of man. Ironically very different from the guys I dated. Funny how things happen. Guess I got what I dreamed of and more. You have to enjoy and laugh about those differences you were so blind to before you started a joint bank account and spit your toothpaste in the same sink. But I'm happy with my Ted Nugent and he's happy with his Carrie Bradshaw. If he wasn't a manly man, he wouldn't be the guy I married. 

Rain Drops and Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens.

My 1st period class has inspired me. They spontaneously bust out in song. Its like a real life version of glee. Except sometimes I feel like Sue Sylvester and not Mr. Shewster. And there are no Finns and only Rachels. Tuesday is was Beauty and the Beast, Friday....Sound of Music.

A few things that have happened since last time.
1. Deadliest Catch is back on TV.  That means I go to bed earlier and Will stays up and watches it.
2. Get Over It was on free HBO this weekend. I love me some Martin Short.
3. I retired Will's holy jeans! I got to do the honors and throw them away.

4. I buy gummy snacks when I go to the store. I have ventured out of my scooby doo phase and have tried Nemo, Bugs, Cars and my favorite...Disney Princess. However, my husband apparently likes them too. I keep finding princess wrappers around the couch. 

Exhibit A

As an adendum to the last post: Things I am learning in marriage...

I now know why my mom always whined and cried..."If you do not pick up these wrappers I am not buying any more candy!" around every holiday that involved specialty treats. I actually found myself saying, "I will not buy princess snacks any more if you keep leaving your wrappers around on the floor!" This was not directed at my three year old daughter but at my 27 year old husband.

5. Today I am proud to say that I made a meal. Yes. I put on my big girl panties and reintroduced myself to the kitchen. "Hi Kitchen. It's me Kelsie. The one who always cries in your presence." I tackled that son of a gun and made a delicious meal.

Exhibit B

And to sign off...a picture of our child. 

Yes, that is our dog. Holding her self up watching Will leave for work in the morning. 

Love and Marriage

goes together like a horse and carriage.

I have had a very contemplative week. But it really hit me yesterday as I sat folding laundry and I had to pry a dryer sheet off of a pair of shorts, all the things I/We have learned in our approximate 1 and 1/2 year of marriage. My good friend Kaylie is getting married at the end of May and her shower is this weekend. I work with her mom so we've been talking about it alot. I guess her mom and the dryer sheet kicked me over the contemplative edge. So Kaylie and JR...here's to you. A few things I have learned:

 - Your bedroom will never be clean for long again. Not only are you inhabiting it but so is a boy. Drawers will not be shut, hangers will be on the ground, doors to closets will be left open. I just have to get over it. There will be double the clothes and double the shoes.

 - There will always be articles of clothing the other partner does not like. Eventually you will have to grow up and get rid of your high school/college wear. Example:

- I hate dryer sheets. They serve no purpose and only lead to more trash that I have to pick up from under the couch. 

- Decor of grandeur, chic and fashion will be traded in for trophies of this kind. 

- I now understand why my mother always complained about wanting to have a laundry room. I wish I had one. A place to put laundry while folding instead of on the couch. I dream of laundry room designs. 

- It is expensive to be an adult. Insurance (house, medical, car, dog, computer, toes, furniture, teeth, elbows, grass) and bills. 

- Go ahead and splurge on the things you want. You will never again have this freedom with money. Go ahead and stay at that expensive hotel or eat at that snazzy restaurant. 

- Take in each moment of your aromatic showers. Breathe in the bath and body works, feel the bubbles on your soft skin. These may be interrupted at any moment by your husband and a toilet flush. 

- You immediately take place of your husband's roommate's duty. This means going shooting on a Saturday morning, the receiver of all practical jokes, cheerleader for Madden Xbox, and most of all the "hey come see this" checker when he gets off the toilet giggling. 

- Home improvement jobs are a whole lot funner together. 

- Grocery shopping is a highlight of the week when done together. Although, not everyone grocery shops the same way. Some make one huge run, some go on an as needed basis. 

- When you say I do the old woman comes out and replaces the young hip girl. You will go to bed at 9:00 and find that when out past 8 at night you become panicky because you are not in your pajamas laying on the couch. There becomes an inability to stay out late. 

- It is now ok to go shopping alone. It is actually therapeutic. 

- The house feels empty when the other one is not there. 

- Playing footsies in bed helps me relax and fall asleep...also solitaire on my phone. 

- The minute you get off your plane from your honeymoon, you will wish you were back there. You will always make references to "I wish we were back in _______" "Remember when we went to _______" 

                                              

- Things like this are realllly funny. 

  and 

                                                      

- You will buy a dog to satisfy your baby fever. Your camera will be full of dog pictures doing funny things, in funny poses. Example: 

- Road trips are a great way to be alone when life is stressing you out. 

- Revisiting college and where you met is always refreshing to a stale relationship. 

- The TV remote is yours no more. 

- Friends are important. Keep them close. 

The dogs of each family are missing. Left to Right: Toby, Dixie, Copper, Abby
How precious. I hope they all go to college together and are life long friends. 

- Some days I feel like this and some days I don't. 

- Paychecks are never as big as they were when you were single. 

- The house does not clean itself. Mom won't clean it either. 

- Bathtubs and bathrooms get a lot dirtier a lot faster. 

- I can't cook. I cry when I cook. 

- You both say dumb things. Giggle about it then blow it off. 

- Husbands have this thing about spending all your free time at your parents house. And moms have this thing about not always paying for your meals. 

- I learned a lot about football and Will learned a lot about Chelsea Handler. 

- Playing hookie at work on a cold rainy day is an excellent way to spend a Tuesday. Get a season of Friday Night Lights and a blanket. You got it made. 

- You will be asked "When you having babies" You will respond "As soon as yours get out of the youth group."

- Real Marriage is different than the fantasy of college idea of marriage. Better. 

That's all I got. I leave you with this. 

I can GUARANTEE you that is exactly what I will be doing. Thanks for the suggestion. 

So Much For My Happy Ending

I have once again failed miserably at baking. This time, it didn't even involve a microwave or an oven. At work sometimes against the wishes of my boss, on slow days, I scour the Internet for interesting blogs. I have a few I visit regularly as seen on the right side panel of my blog layout. Mostly all these just inspire me to be a craftier more bohemian house wife. Most of blogs are craft and cooking blogs. You know the type of blog that is in fad now. Where these housewives and mothers of toddlers in adorable tutus and home made shirts and bowties find these recipes and post their experiences with them. They start out with a tantalizing picture of a delicious dessert. They catch your eye and then document their baking by taking pictures along the way from gathering the ingredients to the finished product. This is almost always followed by their adorable child in a monogrammed bib stuffing their toothless chubby face into the desert after their meal of homemade Macaroni and beanie weanies. The recipe of which came from their cyber friend's creative blog on how to get your j. Crew toddler to eat healthy.


With that being said, I am obsessed with these blogs. It is like a train wreck or a fight in the hallway at school. I know only bad things can result from looking at them but I just want more! Today at school I was looking at smashed peas and carrots and found a delicious pie. It is called a Banofee. From what I gathered it is an english dessert. This pie has graham crackers, bananas, dulce de leche (eagle brand), whip cream and chocolate. Sounds good right? Yeah if you are a master chef and can make things like this. So I saw this recipe and thought "how amazing does this sound." On my way home from work, I stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few things for dinner (don't worry, it was chicken broth and the soup mix was in a plastic bag). While at the story and seeing the lovely bananas, I decided to make Will a dessert for all of his hard work this week with the church garage sale. WHY!?!?!? Why do I always think these things can turn out good??? So I buy all of the ingredients and come home. Oh wait! What did you say Will? We are going up to the activity center and I will need to cook there? Ok, I can do this. I will redeem my cooking reputation. Afterall, this recipe does not include an oven. So after I cook boil dinner. I start in on the pie. I put in the eagle brand to boil, I cut the bananas, I mash the graham crackers, I follow the recipe to the best of my ability. Two hours later the pie is done. Apparently I did not wait long enough for my pie to cool because my whip cream has melted, my crust is chunky because I did not mash it enough, and the pie is more like soup. It did everything BUT set up properly. It was banana and eagle brand soup. Moral of the story.... I should have gone with the banana pudding. So I ate some of it, I think if I didn't have the patience of a small dog then it would have turned out a little better. But I felt sick after I ate it. I'm not sure if it was the food or the severe let down of yet another cooking failure. Maybe some unsuspecting victim will eat it today at the garage sale.

When we got home after the garage sale, I plop into bed and Will climbs in next to me. I gaze into his eyes and say pitifully, "I am sorry that I am not going to be a good housewife and that our children will be embarassed by my cooking." To be honest I really want and would love to be one of those cool moms. One of those moms that sews clothes for their kiddos and is always baking and cooking something new for their family to try. When the kids get older, they bring friends home and I always have home made cookies and milk waiting for them. I would enjoy being the stay at home mom that makes fun lunches, bakes deserts with her kids and makes dinner for dad while he is playing with his children in the back yard. I came to a realization today. As much as I try to perfect this inability before I become a mom, I will not be the blogging crafty mom but I will be the mom on the Totino's Pizza roll commercial that pulls out microwaved processed foods for her kids to eat when they come rollerblading home from school with their pack of friends. So after I sincerely apologize for my shortcomings Will lovingly said, "yeah, when we have kids and I come home from work they are going to stare at me and say Dad, we need cookies for our class tomorrow. And you will pipe up, hey why didnt you ask me? and they will reply something to the effect of because we didn't want charcoal. and then he sweetly said, "I knew it before I married you. We will work on it. We will work on it together. I'll teach you my ways grasshopper." kissed me on the forehead tucked me into bed. Ok, I added the grasshopper part.

I Don't Dance

...or bake.

Whenever I cook the following things happen:
-food burns
-smoke alarms go off
-an extreme mess is made
-cute fireman rookies get a call from my address
-I scream
-Will retreats to the living room to drown out the moans and agony with Madden

Tonight was no different. There is a good story circulating the youth group about the one time I baked....yes baked slice and bake cookies. And by baked, I mean completely destroyed and burned. This evening in particular at small groups last year I was baking cookies for the teens that occupied my house. After serving them a delicious meal I popped in a few slice and bake cookies, turned on the oven and left the kitchen. I went into the office and began to get sucked into the cyber world of facebook or wedding blogs or something blackholish like that. All of the sudden, I smell something and came darting out of the office, around the teenagers and leap toward the oven to be greeted by smoke and charcoal. I have unfortunetly burned the teens' dessert. But have no fear, we had more left. So I pop those in, return to my computer and do THE EXACT SAME THING. In about 16 minutes I leap out of my chair, out the double doors into the living room shouting "DANG IT!"as I hurdle over feet, chairs and cups into the kitchen to have burnt the second batch. I now have a very bad reputation with the teens for anything of the bakery persuasion.

Tonight, March 16th was no different. See baking and I are like sewing and I or snowboarding and I. There are few things in life that I forget the pain of their occurance and continually retry them. Thinking that by some miracle my skills with these particular activities will improve. Snowboarding is one of them. It always looks so fun. I always remember it being fun. But by the time I get the boots on, the board on my foot, up the ski lift, off the ski lift, other boot in the binding and down about two feet until my first fall do I remember the actual pain that it is and how unenjoyable it really is to snowboard. So I pathetically slide on my rump all the way down the slope enviously looking at all the happy skiers going swiftly past me. Sewing is another one of these. Each time I step foot into JoAnns I think, I could do that. I can make that skirt. I shall try. And then it turns out disasterous and I cry. The seams don't turn out right, the zippers dont match, I didn't buy enough fabric, etc. Baking is among these activities...example...tonight.

I had successfully baked a batch of brownies for my cast a few weeks ago and got rave reviews on my good friend Betty Crocker. We are getting ready to leave for competition so I decided to create goodie bags for them.

example:

I wanted to add some home made treats for them for the road. So tonight after church I decided to make cookies and brownies for them to put in their tins. I get out all of my ingredients. I choose the chocolate chip cookies first. How hard is that to screw up? I crack my egg, I get a bowl out to melt my butter. I place a half stick of butter in the small bowl and microwave it approx. 20-30 seconds. I open up the microwave and grab the bowl. HOLY SHOOT A MONKEY it was hot. So at this precise moment I touch it, scream, the door opens, a mom from church walks in, I drop the bowl, melted butter goes EVERYWHERE...on the floor, cabinet fronts, cabinet tops, my favorite pair of jeans and around the corner sprints Wanda tenderly yelling "ARE YOU OK!?!?" By this point I am laughing hestarically. Mostly because I am very embarassed. She walks around and sees that I have put a metal..yes metal dish in the microwave. Apparently when you do that your dish gets beyond hot and cracks. She then says "Babe, you put a metal dish in the microwave...what are you trying to do?" I reply meekly "bake cookies." So through many giggles she helps me clean the excessive amounts of butter that now covers the kitchen floor and I get a glass dish to restart my baking with. EMBARRASING! So not only have I given proof to the teens of my inability to cook, I now have shown the parents as well. Great. Oh and did I mention my kitchen looked like this when she walked in. 

Also, did I mention I'm like backed up completely to the other side of the kitchen to get the severity of the mess. I successfully bake these cookies and brownies. 

I hope we break a leg and they better fully enjoy every inch of those cookies and brownies. 

And please do not comment on the amount of misspelled words there are. It is late, I've had a very hard day baking and I can not figure out how to get my spell check to work. Nor do I care to. Good Night. 

We Are Who We Are

Last Thursday Will and his 604 roommates from college went out to Sanderson for a guys weekend. I went hunting with Christin...and by hunting I mean hunting for bargains on Grapevine Main at Blessed Boutique and Red Shed Antiques. One thing I have learned is when Will goes out of town he comes back with a surprise. Such a lucky girl. First my "surprise" was going to arrive on Thursday when I came home from rehearsal, after he had just left. Then it got postponed until Sunday night. Then again until Monday and finally it came yesterday. Guess what it was? Edible Arrangement #2! A little smaller this time. We are on a romantic budget.

It was full of grapes, chocolate apples, bananas and strawberries! I love fruit! But there is more to this story. He pulls it out of the fridge when I get home last night. I get all lovey dovey thanking him for being such a sweet and thoughtful husband. I was just relishing in his romantic antics. I put it on the counter and notice a small rip in the cellophane. 

Will: "Yeah I kind of tested it out. I was hungry" 

Me:  "You ate my surprise?!"

Will: "And you will be proud. I searched the internet and found a coupon for it. So I saved some money." 

Me: "You used a coupon on my surprise?!   You used a coupon AND you ate half my surprise???"

Will: "You CAN NOT blog about this."

Oh yes I will. This is too good not to put on the cyber world for the two followers to read. 

Things not to say after you give your wife/girlfriend/love of your life/best friend/boyfriend/novia/novio/significant other after giving her a gift. You got to love him though. You just have to love him.